What Am I Supposed To Learn From This?

Day 2 of the Examen of Consciousness… What is God trying to teach me through the events of today?  Especially on days like this one when things are spinning out of control…more specifically, when I’M spinning out of control.  How am I supposed to learn through a fog of frustration?  What lessons can I find when I’m caught in a web of insanity?  How can I hear God when the baby’s yells fill not only my ears, but my mind as well? There is such a difference between the outward life and the inward life.   Outwardly, there is a baby wanting to be picked up, chores waiting, questions waiting for answers–and I smile and talk gently and wade carefully through the day.  Inwardly, though, I sway between being calm and centered and wildly scrambling, quivering on the edge of insanity.  I crave reconciliation. That Greek prayer calls to me.  “May the outward and the inward man be as one.”  Or in the word of the Psalmist, “Give me an undivided heart.”   (Psalm 86:11)  

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2 thoughts on “What Am I Supposed To Learn From This?

  1. Sweetheart,

    You are and always have been WAY too hard on yourself! Mind you, this is just my thought…but perhaps God is trying to teach you to Give yourself a break for Pete’s sake!!!!….or in this case for Leilani’s sake!

    You have a brilliant (read….always into mischief and full of questions) three year old and a 10 month old in training to climb mount Everest.

    You need to stop focusing on what is wrong and pay attention to what is right! You….Mrs. Leilani Devo (yes I know it’s his first name but I don’t know his last name :)) are living life to the best of your ability.

    I think it was Ellen White who said:
    When it is in the heart to obey and efforts are put forth. God sees this as your best effort and transforms it into perfection with HIS OWN DIVINE MERIT!

    Hang in there kiddo! You’ll find your balance!

    Love you!

  2. Yay! I see you have conquered new portions of the blog. You are my hero. As for your blog entry, I prefer to think that even the fact that you’re conscious of your inadequacey (sic) means you’re on the right road. It is when we give up that we’re in REAL trouble.

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