I went with Liana (my sister, she’s 14) to an island-wide trivia academic competition today. And chauffeured her three friends – all of us smashed into the king cab of my mom’s truck, a delightful after-school combination of like, you know, girls and sweat.
The competition was held in an all-girls Catholic school, my first foray within the hallowed grounds of <introductory music> Academy.
And while first saying that I had a great time meeting Liana’s friends and trying to answer all the trivia questions, apparently I haven’t quite come to terms with my former adolescent self.
How is it that 14 years, one high school diploma, one college degree (and the accompanying education and time), half of a masters, one husband, three children, and seven years of marriage later – just stepping into a high school environment transports me instantly into my previous incarnation?
Ill-clothed, uneasy in my own skin, eager to be liked (or at least to not make myself ridiculous), aching to be something other than what I was. But at the same time unwilling to relinquish my social independence, my intelligence, or the convenience of a pony tail and t-shirt. I was just hoping that somebody (preferably somebody cool) would see me for the gem I was and lift me to a happy and peaceful agreement between my inner and outer self.
College was much, much better.
I read recently about a man who decided to go back and redo the less-than-positive experiences of his life. So he went back to kindergarten. And had a wonderful time. Rewrote history, so to speak.
I could hope for a redemptive high school experience.
I’d reincarnate myself as myself – just better dressed and more comfortable with things like, you know, standing and walking.
I’d like the ability to see people my own age as people like me, not as people about to humiliate me with their indifference.
Oh, and I’d add an increase in the ability to converse with said (now rendered also awkward and searching for their eventual selves) people. Even if that meant said conversation was, you know, like, kinda high school-ish.