Each of these weeks transitioning into our new life has brought it’s own gladnesses and challenges.  Each equally strong in its goodness and its challenge.

Every day, every week, we add one more thing back into the mix and we are almost at full capacity.

This week’s big add was school, homeschool, with the added pressure of learning the ropes of charter school documentation.  Three hours in the morning, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.

And it went very well, with lots of exercise in maintaining a calm center.  (Pat hiccupping baby, take Levi to his crib for timeout for the sixth time since starting the math lesson, nurse hiccuping baby, remove Levi from crib…plus, you know, math, handwriting, science).  Next week will be better, simply by virtue that it won’t be new anymore.

But as for me, my inner dialogue, what this week brought was a new, dawning, growing awareness of the enormity of the tasks I have taken on.  And not just the sheer volume of tasks, but the far reaching magnitude of many of those tasks.  Think (and multiply by four): character development; inspiring, enhancing, and supporting love of learning; developing healthy relationships, etc. etc.

H.o.l.y. C.o.w.

Might I say, in a small voice, it’s alot.

Or maybe I should say in a small voice, I didn’t realize how much it is.

Really, I didn’t.  This week gave me the gift of realizing and acknowledging, for a moment, all that I am responsible for.

But I think I will ditch the small voice for full, deep breaths, and maybe a courageous roar.  Or a full-throated song.

After all, I know that very soon enormous will turn into normal.

I tweak the schedule and tweak it again.  Soon it will cease to be a schedule and will suddenly be a rhythm.  Soon.


4 thoughts on “Enormous

  1. I understand. I think about that at night when all my little ones are peacefully sleeping. How have I affected their character development today? How about building their love for God? That overwhelms me the most. I can get through the school work part of it. He does read simple things now. ( Yeah!)

  2. Well said. I feel just that way sometimes. Like it’s so new and enormous and I know it’ll be normal soon, but wow. And times four for you. Hugs and strength to you, you are doing FABULOUSLY.

  3. Seriously Leilani, my mantra is now…be like Leilani…be like Leilani! I had a BAD parenting weekend…my strong willed little baby put her little toe over EVERY line I drew. I hope God was pleased with me as I put on the Debbie the conquerer sheild and waged war with Satan trying to win over my baby! I was exhausted….and I have one..uno..singular soul to worry about!

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