Ups and downs

Tuesday was the best best day I’ve had at home in a long, long time. Months, maybe. It took me back to the idyllic days of late spring last year when I was in my second trimester with Kiri. An easy, full day.

Summertime, and the living is easy.

We had moved out the excess furniture and stowed away the things cluttering around. I felt that we were in control of the space, it wasn’t the space (and mess) controlling us. Because we had all of our ducks in a row, we were free to play and create and enjoy. It was so so very nice. I stopped a number of times to enjoy it.

Wednesday, on the other hand, was a study in managing frazzled. A clingy, fussy baby. Everything is an emergency when a baby is crying. Compound that with a current trend of eager (and constant) conversationalists, and you’ve got a formula for frazzled.

Some of my current favorite coping techniques are::

Noticing. I just take a moment and notice what I’m hearing, what I’m seeing. What my senses are noticing. Where my body touches the ground or the chair. I don’t judge any of these things as good or bad, but just notice them. It’s a very grounding practice.

Hold on to the good, let go of the bad. I tend to do the opposite these days, holding on to the bad to either do penance or to try to eke out some good. The truth is that I’m holding on to the bad, while the good slips by uncelebrated. Hold on to the good, let go of the bad. It’s a good mantra, cleansing.

I’ve been noticing recently just how full every day is. Every moment has a task, a need, a demand. That doesn’t even include the “should do’s”, it’s just the barest of basics.

Frankly, I’m hoping that this doesn’t continue. In the large scope of things, I need room for a little more breathing, a few “I want to’s”, more small moments between tasks to catch my breath and center myself. Maybe even, eventually, a real break.

Sometimes I get a little scared that it will never balance out again.

Blessedly, the nights are improving. Kiri is sleeping on her own all night until about 5am when she joins me in my bed (ah, sweet snuggles). Levi has been banished to his own room and we have taken a firm line with his nighttime nonsense. He’s responding well. I think he’s slept all through for about 5 of the last 8 days.

Now that I’m getting good sleep…I’m extra tired. That doesn’t baffle me like it did with the first baby. It’s just my body saying that it’s time to catch up on a year’s worth of broken sleep. Whoever said you can’t catch up on sleep is grievously wrong and I pity them with my whole heart.

Finally, I’ve begun a practice of trying to name good things about myself. (More of holding on to the good and letting go of the bad). It was very hard at first (which both surprised me and made it clear that this is an important thing to do), but I’m getting a little better. Case in point, I didn’t have to cogitate for too many minutes to come up with something tonight.

I have an expressive face and utilize it often.

It’s not profound, but it is something good.

Anybody else have a good thing about yourself to share? (And was it easy or hard to come up with?)


3 thoughts on “Ups and downs

  1. I don’t know that I can come up with anything good about myself, but I can come up with about a million things about you! You are a gifted friend. You make people feel hope just by listening to them. You give unconditional love. You have so many good things to hang onto.

  2. Ah. This is good. I need this too — “In the large scope of things, I need room for a little more breathing, a few “I want to’s”, more small moments between tasks to catch my breath and center myself.” Oh that centering, how wonderful it is. May you feel balanced and profound and centered this weekend. 🙂

  3. Pingback: Compliments | spinning in my teacup

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